Hello, honey, Elvira Mistress of Felinity here. I'm more than just a great looking feline, I'll have you know! Bold, fresh, cuter than a speckled pup, and the most delightful pussycat in the world! You can call me Miss Elvira for short; just don't call me late for dinner, treats, a nap, or a snooze!
Welcome to the Elvira Factor! You are about to enter the no bull zone! Grab your tails, felinity assembled; it's going to be a bumpy ride!
My, oh my, was it really last Febraury that the Factor last appeared? 2012 was that sort of year for all of us, and I want to apologize to our fans for not keeping up.
Hello Houston, we've howdied, but we haven't shook, these last few months...so consider yourself shook!
Now for the Meowing Points Memo:
It’s about time to shelve the word ‘hot’ when used by adult cats to refer to the attractiveness of another feline. The use of this word by otherwise intelligent felines annoys me to no end, and I won’t even reach my 3rd birthday until February!
What happened to ‘handsome’, ‘attractive’, ‘fascinating’, or ‘purrfectly delightful’? If you are a year old, or younger, I suppose one can be forgiven for recognizing another feline of interest in terms of ‘hotness’, as you are experiencing your first feelings of attraction to the opposite sex, but nothing is less attractive than older male and female cats, of a “certain age” and older, appraising others as ‘hot’ (or not). That age is usually about the time one is adding extra hours to nap and snooze schedules, and worrying about arthritis.
‘Hotness’, as I understand it, essentially refers to the worthiness of another as a partner when one is “in heat”. This is not, in the world I prefer to live in, subject matter for kibble time conversation.
But, what do I know? I'm fixed! And, that’s the Memo!
(Purrs to columnist Kathleen Parker for the inspiration!)
Next up is...My Word!
The word is ‘cat’ or, as they pronounce it in some parts of Texas, ‘CAYut’. As we settle in to life here we have been discovering that Texans take their feline companions very seriously. As Daddy found out when he attended the recent Houston Cat Club Charity Cat Show and we are learning from the information, and photos he brought home, VERY seriously.
In Texas, despite the fact that humans may have a wife or husband, they also need a CAYut. Here, the feline serves many purposes:
The CAYut is a human’s best friend. It is very interested in everything its human does, following them around, sitting at their feet, or in their lap, demanding nothing but a belly rub, kibble, and that their human “change the damn litter box, already!”
- The CAYut helps their human hunt for things. They can help hunt for ants or cockroaches, and anything else tiny that moves in their house or apartment and shouldn't be there, and will help you remember where the kibble and litter supplies are located in case you forget.
The CAYut meows whenever the hell it feels like it, day or night, especially when it feels hungry or otherwise ignored. The “morning wake-up call” is especially important as it helps to make sure, not just that the human feeds the feline, but gets off to work on time.
In a state where the human men are named things like Buster, Blackie, and Boo, and the dawgs, just as often, might be as well, it probably should be stated for the record that the Texas born CAYut should not be named the same as its human, or the family, or neighbors, dawg. It would cause way
too much confusion all the way around.
Texas born CAYuts should be given good, strong names to match the interest, or strength of their human. Names such as: Miss Aggie, Miss Whatakitty, Miss Kitty, Bonnie, Molly, Belle, Bronco, Dallas, Cowboy, Spur, Astro, Rocket, Kitty Catziel, JR and Alamo, among other names.
If you are a purebred, your human may want to enter you in a cat show, just remember that you will have to live with a fancy-assed named that your friends, and the neighbors of your human, might consider all sissified, like Most Adorable Prince Tom-Tom of Houston.
Insist on a suitable regular name such as one of the above, or Growler.
( Inspired by ideas found in 2 books: Speak Texan in 30 min. or Less by Lou Hudson, and Fixin' to be Texan, by Helen Bryant)
Let's move on to the Knucklehead of the Week.
Columnist Jonah Goldberg likes the idea of Federalism, the notion that humans “should push as many decisions as possible to the lowest local level feasible” of govt. involvement. As a way to make his point, in a recent column he brought up the current situation of the descendants of Ernest Hemingway’s 6-toed cat, Snowball. As he explains, they live on at the Hemingway Home and Museum in Key West, Fla., tourists visit every year to see where Hemingway lived when he wrote "To Have and Have Not" and ogle the 50 or so cats of Snowballian lineage as they lounge about the grounds of the place.
The cats are well fed, and looked after, and even have a corporate sponsor, and most are fixed so as to keep the population from getting out of hand, and while the grounds are walled in, some of the cats get out, and explore the neighborhood, from time to time.
So who is the knucklehead? The U.S. Dept. of Agriculture is, and here’s why:
“The Department of Agriculture insists that the cats, with their flagrant sidewalk-napping and unauthorized public self-grooming, must be regulated like lions or elephants or any other "animal exhibit." “
As a result, the owners of the museum must do 4 specific things and pay fines for the museum's “non-compliance with the Animal Welfare Act.”
As Jonah writes, “after a decade of squabbling, a federal appeals court recently sided with the Obama administration, ruling the museum must comply with the federal diktat or get rid of the cats.”
Jonah goes on to explain why he feels the issues involved in the dispute are not a concern of Washington DC, but of Key West, Florida.
Now to my Patriots of the Week...
For the past year the staff at Southside Place Animal Hospital, here in Houston, have been helping a fat cat, named Tiny Tim, shed more than a few pounds.
Abandoned before Christmas 2011, a 35 lb. feline eventually found his way, thanks to a Friends of BARC volunteer, from the BARC city shelter to Southside, where he has been undergoing treatment ever since. A local TV, and newspaper, celebrity with his own Facebook page, and fans cheering on every lost pound, he has been dealing with other medical issues such as arthritis, and flaky skin, and is described as “"a very sweet boy and has a healthy purr machine. He likes to sit in your lap—but needs help getting there."
As reported in a recent update in the Houston Chronicle, by reporter Carol Christian, this amazing gray tabby now weighs 27.6 lbs. His diet and health is monitored by the staff and 4 vets, and while, ideally, he should weigh around 14 lbs. who knows if he will ever slim down that much.
They have to keep an eye on him because, last spring, he was found hanging out, midnight snacking on dog chow, in a storage closet!
The dude has to walk to his food bowl, in a certain part of the facility, so as to get proper exercise.
Well, that's it for this edition.
Dear reader, your comments about anything you read in this post, or any other, past, present, or future, on this blog, are welcomed, and encouraged.
Thank You, and Good Day!