Taking Issue with House Rules For Pets

Over a Year ago the Blog-like section of the United Pet Care website posted an essay that set itself the task of telling us "pets" what for.

I'm sort of surprised no-one had taken issue with the piece since it first apeared, whenever, and whereever, that originally was. ;-D

Well, I'll take care of that, right now. ;-D

First off, what's with this "Pets" stuff? We are your "Companion Animals", and just because you may have paid a princely sum for us doesn't mean you really, truly, "Own" us. ;-D

Don't think that just because you also posted a Non-Pet Owner Rules story lets you off the hook!

Dear Dogs and Cats:  The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food.  

The other dishes are mine and contain my food. 

Yeah, but what if my Human doesn't provide Paw Print Bowls?

Can we share then?

Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it  becoming your food and dish,

Speaking as a Feline...count yourself lucky the Family Cat doesn't spray. ;-D

nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

And why the hell not?

I guess there's just no accounting for the tastes of some Humans. ;-D

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. 

It wasn't? Seriously?

Was it designed by the Chinese? That would explain why yours is not recommended for racing.

You seriously need to consider something strictly American Built.

It's not just a matter of Patriotism, but Yankee Ingenuity, and Quality. ;-D

Racing, me to the bottom is not the object. 

Speaking on behalf of Pussydom Assembled...I respectfully beg to differ.

Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

That's not your fault.

Your Cat needs to get off its lazy Couch Potato Ass, and work out more often!

It's shameful that it can't run fast enough to get out from under you when you fall! ;-D

I cannot buy anything bigger then a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. 

Why the hell not?

If it's only a matter of finances then there's no need to apologize.

Tough economic times make such a decision understandable, and any considerate Cat, or Dog, should be willing to sacrifice.

However, if there ARE beds bigger than King sized, and you CAN afford it...

Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.

Well, if the couch is too small, or otherwise uncomfortable...there's always the floor! ;-D

 However, dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. 

No kidding? You mean there are some Cats who sleep in a ball when there is more than enough space for them to avoid doing so? ;-D 

 It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. 

Says who??? Any Cat who harbors such a belief may need to have its head examined! ;-D

I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

Okay, if you say so...everyone is entitled to their opinion, however wrong-headed. ;-D

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! 

You will pardon some of us if we insist on proving, or disproving, this ourselves, instead of just meekly taking your word for it?

If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. 

Says you!

Some of us happen to believe it is absolutely critical that the door remain open at all times so we can monitor your activities...

For your own safety, of course, not just for our amusement...honest! ;-D

I must exit through the same door I entered. 

You only do so because we are right there, and you don't want us to discover that secret exit you claim is not there!

Also, I have been using the bathroom for years-canine/feline attendance is not required.

Says you! (See above, as my reply applies, here, as well.)

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.

Since when are YOU an expert on our cultural behavior?

Pardon us for following the teachings of our ancestors, passed down from generation to generation, through the millenia!

If it was good enough for them, then it's good enough for us! ;-D

I cannot stress this enough!

Relax! Too much stress is not good for you! ;-D

Comments

[Miezekatze]

I just found your blog, and enjoyed reading it. :)

thanks

[Love Meow]

This is just so much fun to read. :)

If we had a King sized bed, my cats would definitely claim it as theirs. :)

[Manny & Spunky Doodle Zemek]

Cats rule, our owners know it!

[Stephanie Smith]

It appears you have been speaking to my dogs.

They would agree with most of what you say.

They never let me leave the room unless one of them goes to keep an eye on me.